@Smiilze: I hear you knocking at my door. You thinking I'm going to answer it is your second mistake.
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@KentWGraham: I got flipped off three times by the same woman during rush hour today. I’m never driving my wife to work again.
@ohpeetie: [ during job interview ] - "Why do you think you would make a good asset to our team?" - "I give up, why?"
@BoomBoomBetty: Golf is my favorite sport for getting your spouse out of the house for hours on end
@KeetPotato: cop: [bangs on door] "open up, its the police" me: [flushing snickers multi-packs i sell individually down toilet] "two seconds"