@abbycohenwl: I heard fish is good for your brain but now I can't get the smell out of my hair
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@TravLeBlanc: So lemme get this straight. Han Solo can understand Chewbacca just fine but at age 900, basic English grammar still goes over Yoda's head.
@daemonic3: [Home Depot] "Hi, my wife asked me to pick up some small finishing nails" Clerk: Oh, with a little head? "Nah, just verbally"
@CountMackula: Im not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
@bidenandobama: Biden: why can't I log into my twitter what's everyone talking about today Obama: