@abbycohenwl: I heard fish is good for your brain but now I can't get the smell out of my hair
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@VerifiedDrunk: I'll die fat, drunk & happy while you live healthy until you get run over by a bus... See ya at the cemetery!
@TheSharona06: My morning commute was hectic today. I tripped over a dog toy and almost spilled my coffee. I made it to the couch safely though.
@Tresca69: You can't trust anyone you meet online I went on a date with a guy I met online last week and stole $250 from him
@Dwarven_Cleric: People who peel the entire banana before eating it are the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.