@abbycohenwl: I heard fish is good for your brain but now I can't get the smell out of my hair
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@laureneoneal: Why doesn't anyone invite copyeditors to parties when we're such cool people out with whom to hang?
@sweet_toof: Mazda’s marketing slogan is “We Build Mazdas.” They decided on it after rejecting others like: “Mazdas Are Cars” and “Buy Mazdas With Money”
@Storminika: I hate it when guys use pickup lines like, 'Hey, what's your friend's name?' on me. Worst pickup line ever.
@therealeatwood: ME: So you indicate action using airstrikes? HER: What? No, I said asterisks. ME: Ha, of course. [to walkie-talkie] Disengage. DISENGAGE!