@senderblock23: "I heard low winter sun is pretty good." - low winter sun from behind a bush trying to throw it's voice
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@Mr_Kapowski: [firetruck honks its obnoxiously loud horn] [goose in the distance hears it] "Oh shit guys, that sounds like my wife. Gotta fly"
@Easy_Tiger__: I'm playing dead at work right now so nobody will talk to me. Everyone is screaming. Probably should have used less fake blood.
@TheTweetOfGod: When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they've been lying.
@WeissBrandon: Name the only building in the world with 80,000 stories The library (My 6yo told me to tweet this)