@senderblock23: "I heard low winter sun is pretty good." - low winter sun from behind a bush trying to throw it's voice
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@fillthevacuum: Pro tip: The Labor Day weekend is a great time to start drafting your Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas tweets.
@stevevsninjas: As they strap me into the electric chair, I realize the warden is about to discover the 3 ounces of contraband popcorn kernels I have up my rectum.
@internetluke: In grade 5 during biology my teacher asked me "what is in cells?" I answered my Uncle Eric and Dad and she made me go home.