I heard the iPhone 15 won’t have any ports or jacks or a screen and it will just be a smooth steel ball and finally we’ll all be happy.
You Might Also Like
You can tell a dad’s age by counting the number of hours he arrives early to the airport for a flight.
A friend of mine just said, Am I the only one who gives my dog a massage?
Well, I replied, I can honestly say I’ve never given your dog a massage.
88% of the lies parents tell their kids are that the store was out of the snack that they forgot to buy.
doctor: your system is full of drugs
patient: you should see the other guy
doctor: what other guy
patient: you can’t see him
Men should stop taking Viagra and start trying anxiety. That shit keeps you up way longer.
I’ve got chills. They’re doing advanced calculus and quadratic equations.
I tweet with an abundance of sexual undertones like I’m not a huge blusher with absolutely no game whatsoever.🤭
What’s with hiking? Leave nature alone, weirdos.
ME: *taking a massive hit of universal healthcare*
DAD: *pounding on the door* what are you kids doing in there?
ME:
DAD: Are you doing socialism in there? Open this door right now
Pretending that you’re feeding the garbage disposal like a hungry baby bird does not hurt anyone.
Me: I want us to get married.
Her: You’ll have to ask my dad first.
Me: Ok but he’s already married…
Schrödinger’s Mom: You have to feed the cat
Schrödinger: Or do I?
No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.
News “Don’t go outside. The temperatures are life threatening”
Hot flash “LOL. Challenge accepted.”
I fall in love too easily.
Wait..
It’s ditches, I fall in ditches too easily
Looking at food photos online may help curb overeating: study
My car broke down today. It confessed to a series of hit-and-run murders back in 2006.
ME: *falls off the wagon*
THE REST OF MY CARAVAN ON THE OREGON TRAIL: Phew. Finally.
her: i’m a cat person
me:
her:
me: name one part of u that’s cat, Becky
A router goes into a doctor’s office and says, “It hurts when IP.”
A lot of folks out there missing the point…
I just saw a man delivering pizza in a Hummer…
I wonder if he is reevaluating some of his life choices right now?
There are some people that, when you think about them, you just feel better. And that’s nice.
When someone at the gym asks if I’m “using that equipment”, I say “No, my love for it is real.” To date, I’m the only one to find that funny
[starbucks]
One tall iced latte please
“Ok, can I have a name?”
Well ok but it really should come from your parents
I love you, but you’re not stepping foot into my home with even a speck of glitter.
When a nurse checks your blood pressure they should immediately clarify whether it’s good or bad. “130 over 90” ok cool are we just saying numbers
Just realized the girl I flipped off in the parking lot is in my next class.. This could be awkward.
Who called it laughing gas and not comical weapon?
Qualifications for a job with the Kenyan government.
1. You must be old. Really old…like above 75 years old.
2.The older you’re, the higher your chances.
3. Death is an added advantage.