@NikkiGlaser: I held a baby today. I was scared it would make me want a baby, but it just made me want to be a baby.
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@DomesticGoddss: Me: What's the suite number on that address? 8: It just says "Hashtag 301." Me: Before hashtags were born, those were called number signs.
@amydillon: H: Is there anything new you want to try in bed? M: Actually... *stretches out alone in bed, sleeps for 8 hours* M: That was amazing.
@primawesome: *Superman saves the city by throwing a nuke into the ocean* Crowd: Yay!!! Aquman: Dude...
@djdarrellripley: Me: Pfft.. There is scientific evidence that a woman's brain is lighter than a man's. Her: Perhaps because it gets more exercise.