@WittySassBasket: I held up a fist for a CW to bump and she kissed my ring. I am now drunk on power and no one is allowed to make eye contact.
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@TheToddWilliams: You're never gonna believe this but Ben Carson's full name is Benghazi Carsonofsatan
@michamontaz: Christianity: One woman's lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand.
@AnOrangeSNES: Dear Abby, I never thought this would happen to me. Today I met a sexy woman who told me I write letters to the wrong publication.
@audipenny: Bad credit? No credit? First time buyer? First time baby? No legs? 8 legs? You a spider? Are you a Spider trying to buy a house?