@WittySassBasket: I held up a fist for a CW to bump and she kissed my ring. I am now drunk on power and no one is allowed to make eye contact.
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@ryan_rachryan80: I use so many age defying crinkle creams that I don't have finger prints anymore.
@Brianhopecomedy: My 4 year old loves wrestling with the family. He's Hulk Hogan, I'm The Rock and our 1 year old is the folding chair.
@FunkyFresh_79: Operator: 911 what's your emergency? Me: PEOPLE ARE TAGGING ME IN PICTURES ON FACEBOOK AND I'M NOT EVEN IN THEM!
@Kyle_Lippert: [Classroom in 2064] Student: So how did the war start? Teacher: Well you see, Seth Rogen and James Franco made a movie..