@AnOrangeSNES: I hired a nanny to watch my kids. Little did she know they were just two sacks of potatoes. When I got home I accused her of witchcraft.
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@mrtimlong: Every time I raise my arm a little, a falcon lands on it. It was super-cool at first, but now I'm starting to get annoyed.
@Reverend_Scott: [1692 Salem] "BURN THE WITCH" U HAVE A CROOKED NOSE, WITCH "No, Frank, at the stake" [quickly lighting torch] Right, I knew that.
@Playing_Dad: [Ice Cream Truck] John Cena: I'll take an Icee, please. Ice Cream Truck Driver: Icee? You? Cena: *grabs driver's shirt* No, you can't.