@weinerdog4life: Forgive me father for I have sinned, last week I hissed at 47 people because I like to pretend I'm a mean cat

@pakalupapito: i formally apologize to anyone who knew me when i was 13

@iwearaonesie: *forgets why I walked into a room* *remembers lyrics to a song I heard once 20 years ago*

@ClichedOut: Her: Nice horse. Do you race her? Me: Lol I'm way too fat and slow.

@BillFienberg: I'm 25, which means I'm just as far from 10 as I am from 40. Although, in terms of money and maturity, I'm still way closer to 10.