@Mr_Kapowski: I hired a personal trainer and my first 2 hour-long sessions were just him teaching me how to properly cut the sleeves off my t-shirts
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@gojarbe: "and this lake shall be called Superior" all the other Great Lakes: "k wow we're like right here"
@stephenjmolloy: Genie: "You have three wishes." Me: "I wish for a burrito with guacamole." Genie: "Okay but the guac counts as your second wish."