@Mr_Kapowski: I hired a personal trainer and my first 2 hour-long sessions were just him teaching me how to properly cut the sleeves off my t-shirts
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@ZombieProblms: My wedding vows said "till death do us part." My wife died, so I was a free man. Then she came back and bit me.
@Rollinintheseat: If history has taught me anything, it's that the person with the loudest, wettest cough will always sit down beside me in a waiting room.
@xLiserx: Superheroes come from broken homes & inattentive parents. Parents, stop hugging your kids. We need a Batman.
@crylenol: Kinda messed up that marijuana is just a plant. Like, what other plants are drugs? *tries to smoke a carrot* Yea I guess I'm feelin it