@sarita6032: I hit 2k followers. Now that I've gathered you all here, I'd like to discuss the benefits of Amway
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@jonnysun: [at a fancy restuarant] WIFE: make sure u leave a good tip ME: ok [writing on bill] "only evolve ur pokemon when uve activated a lucky egg"
@Brampersandon_: BOSS: You forgot my birthday didn't you? ME: *lighting candle* No what gave u that idea? BOSS: idk maybe that candle stuck in a urinal cake?
@donni: Blue cheese dressing makes anything a salad. For example, this french fry salad I'm eating right now