@jrza84: I honestly have allergies and dry skin this time of year, but it never looks good for a dude to have tissues & lotion on his desk.
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@CantWaitToNap: Hey boy, are you an Amazon wish list? Because I want you so bad, but will forget about you when I sign out.
@dshack8: Parents w/ 1st kid: *Peels grape & slices it into 84 tiny pieces. Parents w/ 4th kid: *Gives kid knife & fork to cut their own steak.
@DamienFahey: I just dropped my phone in the toilet and for a second I stood over it and thought, "That's where it belongs."