@markhoppus: I hooked my fidget spinner up to my vape pen and The Millennials crowned me King of Avocado Toast
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@WheelTod: [I open my lunchbox to find pair of wife's underwear] But that means... [Cut to my wife opening her lunchbox to find a pair of my underwear]
@MattyIceUS: So #Scaramucci lands a job, gets his boss fired, has a baby, gets a divorce, and is fired in the same week? Sounds like a Seinfeld episode.
@Whitnuts: My liver's so black, it went to a respected college, got a great job, and made it's family very proud. Weren't expecting that, huh? Racist.