@Tmoney68: I hop in a tanning bed during storms in the hopes of being struck by lightning & turned into a lame, but beautifully bronzed, superhero.
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@topaz_kell: The good news about falling down the stairs is that my Fitbit counted it as a mile walk.
@Token_Geezer: *sees baby* *feels sad that my kids aren't babies anymore* *sees look of exhausted despair in baby's parents eyes* *sadness evaporates*
@weinerdog4life: We have nothing to fear but fear itself, and spiders, and bears, and scientists, and scientists creating spider bears, and science bears
@AngelaEhh: If you see me longingly looking at you at the pub, i'm just wondering if you're going to eat all those nachos?