@Hil439: I hope I never go to jail because I haven't memorized a phone number since 2006.
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@ElizaBayne: Ashley Madison website is having problems. But instead of addressing them directly, it'll just look for a younger hotter website on the side
@YoungNobler: It's the 20th anniversary of Infinite Jest and the 6th anniversary of my buying Infinite Jest and never getting around to reading it.
@TheGladStork: Fill the piñata with goat intestines to teach children about the brutal consequences of violence.
@AlisonAgosti: The word "Caesar" has always bothered me. It looks like a and e are mad at each other.