@Hil439: I hope I never go to jail because I haven't memorized a phone number since 2006.
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@Fred_Delicious: [Jumps into taxi] "FOLLOW..." [taxi driver turns around excitedly] "...ME ON TWITTER" [Jumps out & moonwalks into Olive garden]
@Vodkantots: If he doesn't return your texts, it's because he's busy leaving his wife for you. Obviously.
@100percent001: If we both go for the last slice of apple pie at the same time, I will bury my fork in your throat.
@jonnysun: ME: wat if they dont like me MOM: just be urself ME: ok! [comes home early in a masive cloud of bees] ME: WAIT DID U SAY "BEE URSELF" OR "BE