@RobDenBleyker: I hope I never meet the girl of my dreams because she's a thirty foot half witch half crocodile who chases me endlessly through darkness.
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@OneFunnyMummy: Silent Night is my favorite song about my kids staying at their grandparent's house.
@tnylgn: Keeping tic-tacs in your pocket lets people know you're more embarrassed of your breath than you are of sounding like a human maraca
@Tmoney68: I've been trying to figure out why I overslept today. Just realized drunk me set my calculator for $7.30.
@GoldenSpirals: The last thing I remember was my Mom telling me to "Take Care". I did, and now Liam Neeson is chasing me.