@juliussharpe: I hope I'm never involved in a long trial, mostly because I only own one suit.
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@AmericanGent69: Wife: You'll never guess what I got you for your birthday. Me: A 3-way with your sister? Wife: *storms out Me: omg did I ruin the surprise?
@AlexRogaski: [2 Years into Cosmetology School] Me:[applying perfect contours] When are we gonna start learning about space?
@agathagotstoned: *walks out into irradiated air using an antique porcelain teacup as a gas mask* *dies instantly, but with a touch of class*