@juliussharpe: I hope I'm never involved in a long trial, mostly because I only own one suit.
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@madcaplaughs30: This lady didn't know how to use the gas pump, so I winked at her and whispered "nobody does" while pouring gas into my jacket pocket.
@GreenEyedJedi: I once dated a guy who left a trail of rose petals leading to a sinkful of dirty dishes.
@Underchilde: Stop, drop and roll if your clothes are on fire or if you spot your ex under the mistletoe.
@MatCro: [murder scene] MORGAN FREEMAN: there are 7 deadly sins: Pride, greed, envy, lust, wrath and gl– [sees victim wearing crocs] There are 8 dea