I hope I’m not the only one who hovers over someone when they use my favorite pen just so they know I’m serious about wanting it back.

@uccjeb: When I see 18 wheelers carrying something covered with a tarp, I just assume that it's an injured Transformer.

1

@jonnysun: its prettey gutsy that u call urself a salad, potato salad

325

@HomeProbably: Her: "Is that you in your avi?" Me: "No, it's a picture of me."

1

@friendly_moon: [hostage situation] Any last words? "Nah, I'm good." If you insist. *puts gun to head* Say you're prayers. "You are prayers. Lol."

348

@doctorveritas: "It's possible to touch birds!" I say suddenly. My coworkers stare at me. I wander outside to touch some birds.

1

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