@jake_likes_naps: i hope jessica biel names her first child 'batmo"
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@MikeDrucker: TWITTER USERS: It would be nice if you stopped people making death threats. TWITTER: OK, but what if those death threats could be LONGER?
@NoogsCorner: 1) Put index and thumb together. 2) Place them where nose meets forehead. 3) Close eyes. 4) Sigh. 5) Check to see if person still talking.
@David_Ingram: Just bought a sandwich in San Francisco. Handed over a $20 bill. Cashier to his coworker: "How do I accept cash?"