@jake_likes_naps: i hope jessica biel names her first child 'batmo"
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@Pinky_0917: Open bottle, allow it to breathe. If it does not look like it's breathing, give it mouth to mouth -Beer
@thegayfarmerguy: Doc: You have gallstones Me: Ugh. Doc: You can control it with diet. Me: Great! Doc: No chocolate, cheese, fried foods... Me: Take it out.
@BlindChow: [aircraft carrier] *paints a T on the helipad* Captain: No it has to have an H Me: Why? *train sounds approaching* Captain: Oh dear god