@GaryJanetti: I hope one day to have the chance to whisper "what's she doing here?" to the person next to me at a funeral.
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@JPHaddadio: Don't you hate when you take a power nap and wake up 22 hours later and everybody at work is staring at you?
@preritpathak: Therapist: Problem? Me: I always quote Eminem lyrics. T: Explain? M: I can't tell you what it really is,I can only tell u what it feels like
@KeetPotato: [if trump wins somehow] alien: "i said take me to your leader" me: "dude i swear this is him"