@House_Feminist: I hope people think my toddler has a slight English accent bc we're so cultured and not bc she's basically been raised by Peppa Pig
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@NotBachibawlz: Someday astronauts will land on the sun .... Im hoping they're smart enough to do this at nighttime when it's not as hot
@ibid78: *uses handkerchief* Well now that this is used, it seems I won't be blowing my nose again til laundry day.
@KeetPotato: [undoes GFs bra first time] "wow have you been practicing?" don't be ridiculous [me and dog exchange glances]