@House_Feminist: I hope people think my toddler has a slight English accent bc we're so cultured and not bc she's basically been raised by Peppa Pig
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@LMLMadness: Show her how romantic you are by sprinkling body parts in a trail leading to the bed.
@Jesus_M_Christ: That moment when you mom says she was a virgin, but then 3 random dudes show up on your birthday with gifts.
@Iwriteforcats: I'm gonna leave this world just like I came in, dawg! "Yo, for sure. Kickin and screamin!" Nah, brah. On a giant spaceship.
@ieatanddrink: If a guy wants to call a woman ugly online a window should pop up where he has to upload pictures of all the women he's slept with