@House_Feminist: I hope people think my toddler has a slight English accent bc we're so cultured and not bc she's basically been raised by Peppa Pig
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@BuiltToTopple: You two, right there. You don't know it yet, but you'll be coming home with me. *points at hotel towels*
@myonlymizztake: Trying to do deadlifts at the gym, but I can't figure out where they hide the bodies.
@AGreaterMonster: I feel bad I punched that guy, but he shouldn't get so close to my punching bag. I should stop leaving my punching bag by my office door.
@KKAlThani: Drink coffee. It saves lives. One cup will decrease your chances of murdering someone in the morning.