@YourFavMexi_Can: "I hope she got fat, I hope she got fat" - me looking up an ex girlfriend on Facebook.
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@SethMacFarlane: Someone left a flyer on my windshield asking me to envision heaven, so I pictured a world where no one leaves flyers on my windshield.
@ojedge: Do you, Karen, take David the Optometrist to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse? Better... or worse? Better... or worse?
@smithsara79: Me: *being pulled from my smashed car by paramedics & put on a stretcher* My mom: WAIT! *running up to the ambulance, out of breath* this never would've happened if you drank more water