@YourFavMexi_Can: "I hope she got fat, I hope she got fat" - me looking up an ex girlfriend on Facebook.
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@DanMentos: *gets home from game* "whoa what happened to your eye" I was on the Kiss Cam "oh she wasn't into it?" with the t-shirt cannon guy's daughter
@PaperWash: before cameras, people would have to say "cheese" for two hours while they got their portrait painted
@AndyAsAdjective: [spelling bee] your word is 'hor d'oeuvre' "can you use it in a sentence?" yes…'I bet this kid can't spell hor d'oeuvre'
@KelgoreTrout: the guy who named the spatula was so lazy. hes like "what should i call this thing that spatulas?"