@Lindzeta: I hope the guy who just cut me off in traffic has his fav book made into a movie & the characters are nothing like he imagined them
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@panmidwest: How selfish am I? Circus peanuts and black licorice are my favorite candies just so I never have to share.
@brownbear952: Try and tell me about your cleanse and I will whip out my pocket bacon and eat it right in front of you.
@stevevsninjas: Judge: Guilty Me: Sayyoudidwhat. Judge: What did you say? Me: Judge? Did you just reverse my sentence? *Stage dives into cheering jury*
@VeganZebra: *tattoo parlor* ARTIST: What do you want? ME: Surprise me *He tattoos the word 'hiccup'* ME: Why did y- ARTIST: BOO! *the tattoo disappears*