@deloriumforsale: I hope the guy who named the "walkie talkie" called his home phone "standie talkie" and his toilet "sittie shitty".
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@Brampersandon_: WIFE: what's the name of that girl you work with? ME: which girl? WIFE: the pretty one ME: I feel like this is a trap
@polychromatik: Beethoven:Who wants to hear some Symphonies? *crowd goes wild B:I SAID WHO WANTS TO HEAR SOME SYMPHONIES *crowd goes nuts B:I CANT HEAR YOU!
@MsanthropyVani: Them: Help! A poisonous snake bit me! Me: oh shit. Umm. So. The word you're looking for is venemous. Don't feel bad, it's a common mistake.