@Quartzjixler: I hope the mysterious food thief at the office enjoys the dog food marinara and Jello with my toenail clippings I made for him/her.
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@INDlAN_: [first day as tour guide on the moon] Me: keep your hats on Guy at the back: um they’re called helmets Me: yeah you can take your hat off.
@KelleysBreakRm: When I open the washing machine lid mid-cycle, I feel like I've entered a party where everybody suddenly stops dancing and stares at me.
@McSwtrvst: [True Love's gf on 7th day of Christmas, forcing smile] awww Swans! how sweet! thx hon, these 7 birds will go nicely with the other 16 birds