@JT_IV_: I hope the people that monitor my sleep study tonight like watching a man scratch his taint.
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@SteveKoehler22: Real Road Signs (What they mean) "Rough road" (Road sucks) "Construction zone" (Unattended orange cone zone) "Lanes shift" (Confusing af)
@lex_looper: CNN just said the world is in $217 Trillion debt. Who the f*©k do we owe money to? The Decepticons???
@urgeekisshowing: That awkward moment when someone asks if you've dyed your hair and you say no, its just clean.
@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: There's a spider on the carpet! Me: Haha, that's just a piece of fuzz. *fuzz moves* Me: EVERYBODY OUT OF THE HOUSE!