@sarah1mc: I hope this free massage guy from craigslist is on time.
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@bridger_w: Guy in the dressing room next to mine: "I don't want to get blood on these pants." I want to reply, "Then stay out of my way on the catwalk"
@DeadLioness: What we all have in common is how extra stupid we look when we stop everything and focus on removing a stray hair from our tongue.
@mjkspeaks: [arguing with friend about chemistry] *cop walks up* do we have a problem here? Me: No. We will find a solution once you argon, officer.