@sarah1mc: I hope this free massage guy from craigslist is on time.
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@Jamie1947: Damn girl, are you my cable remote? Because you are weirdly designed and very confusing, and does this row of buttons even do anything?
@Overdue_Bills: She was like "wrong hole", so I said "adventurous on the e-harmony profile isn't knitting quilts Velma", long story short I'm still single.
@nbadag: [very obviously being hit on] hahaha ok well, see you around [4 days later, cutting open a cantaloupe] wait a second
@Iwriteforcats: Her: Wanna "lex" tonight? Him: What's that? Her: Lazy sex. Him: What do we do? Her: Lay in bed and send each other Huffington Post articles.