@NinjaFuneral: I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I'm checking Twitter and not taking pictures.
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@ParanoidParker: When you're in the shower, and you hear loud thumps and you think "THEY'RE KILLING MY FAMILY, AND I'LL HAVE TO FIGHT THE ATTACKER NAKED"
@TheFunnyWorId: Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands. I like this joke because it never grows old.
@KevinBuffalo: When my cousin came out as gay, his parents wanted him to see a psychiatrist. Which is too bad. Cuz he was already seeing a handsome lawyer.