@markydoodoo: I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
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@donni: Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.
@doktorj: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, and being tagged in a super unflattering photo."
@causticbob: I was kicked out of a strip club last night for throwing twenty quid at one of the strippers. Ok, I admit it was in pound coins.
@loudmouth_usa: Him: Going to Taco Bell, want anything? Me: I'm just thirsty Him: What do you want? Me: Six tacos and a burrito