@Midgetspar: I hope you guys realize that sunflower seeds are salted little plant babies.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@StinkyGr33n: I went to the bathroom and forgot my phone. Had to read the little paper about Toxic Shock Syndrome from the tampon box again
@dave_cactus: [at my dad's funeral after he drowns] ME: *places a wreath made of a life preserver on the coffin* It's what he would have wanted...
@squirrel74wkgn: I'm a 40 yr old man sitting at a Café with my eyes closed, squirting packets of mayo from under the table at the window as people walk by.