@Midgetspar: I hope you guys realize that sunflower seeds are salted little plant babies.
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@lazerdoov: Gonna get "na na na na na na na na" tattooed on my forearm. I'll tell girls it's Hey Jude and I'll tell dudes it's the Batman theme.
@stephenjmolloy: Pilot: "What does this button do?" *intercom turns on* Pilot: "Doesn't do anything. Not sure what any of these buttons do."
@TheWadest: *requests Uber* *climbs in backseat* Uber driver: "Where to?" Me: "oh, nowhere. I just don't like to change my diaper in the street."