@Midgetspar: I hope you guys realize that sunflower seeds are salted little plant babies.
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@hero_ofthenight: I feel like every time I go to Walmart I automatically witness the contradiction to their slogan being: 'save money, live better'
@AnOrangeSNES: Senior: *Gets diploma* I'm glad all the cliquey high school stuff is behind me Principal: *Laughs for the rest of the graduation ceremony*
@Fred_Delicious: "daddy, the sun has disappeared!!" [Neil Degrasse Tyson arrives on a Segway] "listen here you little shit"
@iwearaonesie: [dad accidentally steps on the dog] I'm sorry girl, I didn't see you. Are you ok? [dad accidentally steps on me] Why are you on the floor?!