@MartaEffing: I hug my Uber driver at the airport so people will think I have a family that loves me.
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@Darlainky: "It's important to remember Snitches get stitches", I whisper to my 5 year old nephew as my sister asks who drank all of her wine.
@realHamOnWry: My girlfriend and I are having a disagreement. She wants a huge wedding with 500 guests and a piano player. I want us to see other people.
@Jake_Vig: When someone walks into a room, I like to tap the person next to me and in a loud stage whisper say "Is that who you were telling me about?"
@rablivingstone: Learn how to read a book again simply by sticking a twitter Avi alongside every paragraph.......