@LeBearGirdle: I hugged someone else's mom at a park once and now mine won't pick me up bc I smell like other mom now
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@werehedgehog: When your baby cries, don't feed it. That's just what it expects you to do. You have to outsmart it.
@wickedsuga: I won't block you, but I will put a curse on you that you'll never be able to finish a sneeze ever again for the rest of your life.
@david8hughes: Me: coming to the office Xmas party? Steve: no [whispers] Lisa just lost her father Me: there'll be like 50 of us there. We'll help you look