@CouchPotShots: I imagine by now all you Evian drinkers have read the name backwards?
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@lisaxy424: "SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP" I yell at the neighbor I can hear vacuuming at 1pm in the afternoon.
@ObscureGent: My best dating advice is to wait after you have two kids and a house before you tell her you speak elvish.
@GensPlace: Took nephew out for lunch. The waitress asked what he'd like. After a stunned silence, I explained 'quiche' was not pronounced 'quickie'.
@VerifiedDrunk: Finally nailed my girlfriend and her twin last night You know how I tell them apart? Her brother has a mustache.