@CouchPotShots: I imagine by now all you Evian drinkers have read the name backwards?
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@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What’s “saying grace?” Me: It’s when we thank the one who provided our food. 4-year-old: We thank the microwave?
@Derekexplosm: Hey doofus, the fashion police called. Your father died last night on duty. He wanted you to have this. "Slim fitting houndstooth peacoat*
@trims_the_fat: Funny how people get all angry when you break something of their's that they don't ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
@TheCatWhisprer: My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.