@LionJenkins: I imagine colonoscopies are accompanied by the theme music from the underground level of Super Mario Bros.
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@HeatherLuvsYou: I always check my smoke alarms to make sure they're working. I call it "cooking"
@primawesome: Oatmeal shouldn't get to have the word "meal" in it. How about oatsnack? Or oatbullshit?
@murrman5: [walking around still disappointed 6 hours after visiting an aquarium] wife: what did you think a tiger shark was, brent
@IamEnidColeslaw: my signature move is called "the Mouse," where I run around the dance floor wearing nothing but a tampon