@Parker_Simpson: I imagine it's pretty humbling for someone who's literally taking part in their first rodeo
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@_definitlymaybe: If couples who are in love are called love birds, then really, couples who always fight should be called angry birds!
@squirrel74wkgn: *drops off box to Salvation Army* "Sir, why is this box marked W I F E?" *peels out*
@longwall26: I know this is only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like permission to rename your cat.
@zachreinert03: Slasher films are so unrealistic. Anyone could out run a guy walking with a chainsaw. That's why I train running with a chainsaw.