@bourgeoisalien: I imagine one day my dearest friends will say at my funeral, "Wow. What an idiot. Who chokes to death on orange sherbet?"
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@Jeff_G_Nixon: [barber shop] BARBER: what can we do for you today? MEDUSA: well.. [removes hat] BARBER: MEDUSA: BARBER: so do you want more or less snakes?
@ObscureGent: [Last day in prison] *Walks up to the biggest guy* Hey man, sorry about that first day stuff.
@Michael_Erhart: Girl: I only date guys who can ice skate and make puns. Me: *sighs and reluctantly starts putting on skates* "Figures."