@SortaBad: i imagine the people who slaved for years perfecting the google search algorithm would be so mad knowing i mainly use it now for spellcheck
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@velweb: 12 yr. old daughter: My friend Samantha said she thinks you're handsome. Me: Aww. That's cute. How about her mom? Has she said anything?
@Ma_h_ad: I asked my cousin why he eats the burger first and he's like imagine I die whilst eating the chips
@ojedge: [1st date] [to self] Don't let her know ur a boa constrictor Her: "How's your meal?" [i've dislocated my jaw & swallowed the whole table]