@abbycohenwl: I impose tariffs on my children by taking a bite of each Poptart before I hand it to them, and let me tell you, the markets don't like it
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@SteveSuckington: [job interview] "What's your.." *interrupts* -My greatest strength is my work ethic "Well played. Welcome to the psychic friends network"
@OtherDanOBrien: ME: I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. GUY: I love that song. ME: What song?