@StephenBCramer: I installed a mirror in front of my toilet so that when I run out of things to read I will have someone to talk to.
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@kelkulus: Girl asked me if I wanted to watch a "romcom" so I'm going to assume she means "Roman Combat" and put on Gladiator.
@WritePlay: *burglar breaks in* *i reach into my nightstand drawer, get my phone, & take his picture* Burglar: No I have a double chin! Me: I'll post it
@AnkCoupleTO: Psychic: *rubbing temples* You want to know if your wife's trying to murder you Me: How'd you know? P: *sees knife in my back* I'm good
@Glitta_J: If im walking around with my arms crossed, there's a 90% chance im not mad...Im just probably not wearing a bra