@BatBatshitcrazy: I invented a breakfast calzone this morning, hashbrowns as the double crust with an omelette in the middle. So now I have to marry myself.
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@sixfootcandy: Screw you haters who are honking at me as I tweet, paint my nails, and drive. You’re just jealous that I can multitask.
@ramblinma: *cuts up plastic rings so no hypothetical animal will choke on them* *will not hold the elevator for a single person, ever*
@RealCarrotFacts: Carrots cant float. But if you tie fishy wire to one and hang it in the air and look at it from far away, it almost look like its floating