@BatBatshitcrazy: I invented a breakfast calzone this morning, hashbrowns as the double crust with an omelette in the middle. So now I have to marry myself.
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@Home_Halfway: "Let's do 5 sets of squats & then try lifting for an hour. It looks like you got out of shape after your dad died" ~ Really personal trainer
@stuckinaportal: *army rises out of ball pit* dark lord: whose bright idea was it to put the portal here? [they point to bob] dark lord: you the man, bob
@Ignorant_Indian: People out there are trying to contact the dead and you're telling me you can't text back?
@PyrBliss: The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that's not a risk I'm willing to take.