@BatBatshitcrazy: I invented a breakfast calzone this morning, hashbrowns as the double crust with an omelette in the middle. So now I have to marry myself.
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@ryaninco: The neighbors yard smells like weed. I'm glad those seeds I threw over the fence are starting to grow.
@chrisdowning: If you can pin an animal in the petting zoo down for a three count, you get to take it home.
@AristotlesNZ: Me: Your shoes are on the wrong feet. 4yo: .. Me: .. 4yo: .. Me: .. 4yo: I don't have any other feet.. Me: Fair enough.
@livingnBoston: I remember a time when I was much younger and had an infinite supply of drugs and booze. Then some c**ksucker cut the umbilical cord.