@bencoffeehall: I joined a Cold War reenactment group. We just sit around and act nervous about the USSR.
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@trojansauce: [dinner party] mario: what's in this risotto? me: mushroom, you're not allergic? mario: *grows to like 20 feet*
@AndrewNadeau0: Mr. & Mrs. Darling were unreasonably upset about Peter Pan taking Wendy considering they went out leaving a dog in a hat in charge.
@Nickadoo: On Twitter, people respect you for sharing your deepest, darkest flaws. Unless those flaws are typos, in which case, die in a fire.
@5oulhealer: My 7yo gave up a simple joke thats good enough 2 laugh at. Why did the chewing gum cross the road? Cause it was stuck on the chicken's foot!