@QwertyJones3: I joined a poker tournament with a bunch of people who do origami. I'm gonna dominate, cause these guys always fold.
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@michaelianblack: I always rode clean. Always. Never won any bike races. Never competed. Don't even really know how to ride a bike. #vindicated
@Brampersandon_: (Don't let her know you can't read) Yes I'll have this *points to menu* -So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more? Shit
@stephenjmolloy: *6 hours of Russian roulette* Me: "I think I forgot to load a bullet in this gun."