@ComedicBust: I joined snapchat yesterday; apparently my phone doesn't die fast enough for my liking.
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@GrantTanaka: son: I don't think he likes me wife: your dad just has a hard time showing affection me: [holding bag of doritos] GOD I LOVE DORITOS
@SuperApple8: Millions are killed each year because they go potty without checking behind the shower curtain first. Be smart. Peep before you poop.
@canadasandra: I'm a puzzle wrapped in an enigma hidden inside a set of Russian Nesting Dolls, so deep, so profound that - what? Yes, I'll have fries.