@mydmac: I joined Twitter to have something to do while I waited for the repairman. It's only been 3 years, he should be here any month now.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Be safe this weekend, otherwise your dumb friends will end up telling some local news reporter how you were always the "life of the party."
@Mr_Kapowski: Why does the airport entice me and call it a baggage carousel if I'm not allowed to ride on it?
@trapgrampa: I remember when you could get a dozen eggs, a loaf of bread, and a gallon of milk for a nickel. now they got these damn security cameras.
@_NTFG_: Sit down and let me tell you a story. Once Upon A Time......last night......I had a few drinks and......borrowed your credit card.