@mydmac: I joined Twitter to have something to do while I waited for the repairman. It's only been 3 years, he should be here any month now.
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@Floatersfinest: If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can't afford 3) Periods 4) Men
@rockymomax: [adopting dog] VOLUNTEER: we need your life history to make sure this animal is safe [leaving hospital with baby] DOCTOR: don't let him die
@WilliamAder: Putting my Christmas decorations on the house across the street so I can, you know, see them.