@mydmac: I joined Twitter to have something to do while I waited for the repairman. It's only been 3 years, he should be here any month now.
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@tarashoe: i'd be extra scared if a break-in occurred while i was in the shower and the burglar saw me in there, fully clothed and eatin my soup
@PaperWash: [Ouijja Board] What is the meaning of life? S-T-A-Y-I-N A-L-I-V-E S-T-A-Y-I-N A-L-I-V-E *Squints at board* What the heck? A Bee Gee board?
@arealliveghost: my computer is organized exactly like my brain, which is to say that I just found a photo of a baby weasel alone in a folder called "good"
@Wine_Honey1: My boss said that we could go outside during the solar eclipse, but no time limit was given *takes 8 hour lunch break *raids liquor store