@MartaEffing: I joked at school drop off that the white stuff on my kid was powdered sugar, not cocaine, but I took it too far by rubbing some on my gums.
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@badbanana: That guy who ran through the White House could go to prison for ten years, so there's another reason I don't run.
@dafloydsta: *tear runs down cheek "Why are all these people dead on the inside?" "Sir, this is a morgue."
@RxitWounds: [Brings date home] O geez did I leave all my rare, holographic Pokemon cards out on my bed again? Guess we'll just have to lay here & battle