@MartaEffing: I joked at school drop off that the white stuff on my kid was powdered sugar, not cocaine, but I took it too far by rubbing some on my gums.
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@E_lok44: I just found a Cheerio in my sofa and we don't have any Cheerios in this house. *eats it
@WilliamRodgers: "Age is just a number" ...so is your credit score, your weight, the balance in your bank account
@WetzelGeek: Son, there's no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.
@sarahyehia82: I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.