@MartaEffing: I joked at school drop off that the white stuff on my kid was powdered sugar, not cocaine, but I took it too far by rubbing some on my gums.
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@thatUPSdude: The show Hoarders is like a snooze button for cleaning your house, "My place isn't that bad, I can go another week"
@beefman138: I'm a Twitter guy who is married to a Facebook girl, so I don't understand how people of differing religions can't get along.
@ceejoyner: Here's a promise - if a scuba shop is within sprinting distance of the ocean and they let me try stuff on I'm not paying for a damn thing.