@abhorrent_wife: I just apologized for sending someone a text using shouty font because I couldn't remember the term "all caps".
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@chadchaines: [phone makes noise] [gets giddy about how popular I'm about to feel] Oh. It's an email about car insurance. [quietly dies a little inside]
@Mom_Overboard: *tumbles down basement stairs, laundry flying everywhere* Me: *whispers through pain* parkour...
@alrightjam: Will you date me? breathe if yes, swim across the atlantic ocean while reciting the bible in japanese if no