@abhorrent_wife: I just apologized for sending someone a text using shouty font because I couldn't remember the term "all caps".
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@C00LpenNAME: I totally just realized that Dora the Explorer and Vlad the Impaler have the same middle name
@zachreinert03: Read about a 60 yr old woman wanting to swim from Florida to Cuba & felt inspired & wanted to help so I emailed her a picture of a boat
@TheDairylandDon: Boy. A zombie outbreak sure could get a solid foothold on a day like today, with all this tomfoolery and whatnot. Be safe out there, guys.
@DirtMcTurd: *Pulls up to drive-thru window* "Extra toilet paper please" Do you mean napkins? "Sure, whatever"