@CelebrityChez: I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
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@merican_ninjy: "Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they're eating chips on the couch.
@Mellicubed: My fire alarm just went off because I took my shower. Ya, I know I'm hot when I'm naked, but come on now, let's all just calm down.
@HALFniteStand: When a girl comes over for a date, I make sure I leave a hammer and measuring tape on the counter so she doesn't suspect that I watch Glee