@CelebrityChez: I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
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@AndyAsAdjective: "I" before "E", except after "C". That's an efficient rule. Very efficient. Yep...efficient.
@SortaBad: Taco Bell manager: I'm sorry, you didn't get the job. It's your drug test Me: so you mean... Manager: yes, you passed. Get high & re-apply
@MaladjustedMind: Dating is like playing musical chairs. Somewhere between 25&30 the music stopped& everyone grabbed a husband. I must've been in the bathroom
@MariyaAlexander: What kind of outfit says "I want you to let me stand in your group so I don't look like a loser but I don't want to talk to any of you"?