@MourningGlory_: I just ate an entire bag of Werther's and now I'm 80 years old, own a floral couch, smoke Virginia Slims, got a perm and my name is Shirley.
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@trentistweeting: "Hey Iron Man, how'd you get your powers?" *flashes back to tony stark being bitten by a radioactive ironing board*
@hippieswordfish: *sees red lobster commercial* oh shit that looks good *goes to red lobster* what the absolute hell happened in here
@aspiringtoucan: ME: whats our policy on dogs in the office BOSS: no dogs ME: [about to hand over my dog's resume but I pull it back just in time] haha duh
@thatUPSdude: Think the walk of shame sucks now, imagine doing it in the 80s in corduroy pants. Everyone heard you leaving.
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