@MourningGlory_: I just ate an entire bag of Werther's and now I'm 80 years old, own a floral couch, smoke Virginia Slims, got a perm and my name is Shirley.
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@MelvinofYork: Yes, I said I was sorry and that I'd do anything to win you back. But that was before you told me you needed a ride to the airport at 5am.
@Fried_Tweeter: Whoever named a pack of Hyenas a Cackle should name more groups of animals.
@Reverend_Scott: [first date] Her: I like guys that are spontaneous. Waiter: Soup or salad, sir? Me: [maintains intense eye contact with her] SURPRISE ME
@prodigis: whenever a song says put your hands in the air i do it on the spot. i have fun and also an alarming vehicle collision record
@JustDontBugMe: MIL: You're going to give me a heart attack someday! M: Last time I checked you didn't even have a heart.
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