@schmuuur: I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how's your day going?
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@Jake_Vig: When someone walks into a room, I like to tap the person next to me and in a loud stage whisper say "Is that who you were telling me about?"
@GibJimson: You politely tap a jogger with your car one time, and suddenly you get labeled a hero.
@ericbove: From now on when skinny girls say they're fat I'm just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
@VaDawn13: I have seagull managers. They swoop in, screech like hell, shit all over everything, then fly away.