@schmuuur: I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how's your day going?
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@mattZillaaaa: I love how fresh & clean my bathroom smells after I've killed a spider with a full bottle of windex
@BrainFumbles: How to get a woman: 1) find one who sells cars 2) take a test drive 3) just keep driving She's yours now, plus you have a new car.
@TheSharona06: My mother is displeased with me. In other shocking news, water is wet and the sun is bright.