@schmuuur: I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how's your day going?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KentWGraham: Should I be suspicious if my wife sends me to pick up something she bought on Craig’s List just a week after we updated our life insurance?
@sammyrhodes: Do they make a scale that says things like "Those shorts probably weigh, what, like 15 pounds?"
@Leemanish: Got a couple of real nice piles of dog shit on your lawn there. Sure would be a shame if something was to... you know, "happen" to them.