@KyleMcDowell86: [I just barely squeeze thru the elevator doors as they shut, however my chain wallet get caught, ripping my pants off as the elevator rises]
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@flashember: [job interview] "I'll never hire you" ME: [swordfighting a field mouse] Is it cuz I'm swordf- NO IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE LOSING TO A FIELD MOUSE
@UrplePingo: In honor of Columbus Day I'm going to drive around until I get lost then make myself at home in the first clearly inhabited house I find
@WhoTheHeckIsMeg: ["Platonic" male friend rams car through my bedroom wall] I heard you broke up with your girl. You ok? Ready to give men a try now?????????