@labyrinthpretty: I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it???
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@LifeUnPinterest: Make it RAAAAIN!! ICE CREAM GUY: Ma'am, everyone gets the same amount of rainbow sprinkles.
@Black__Elvis: I accidentally shot my girlfriend on a hunting trip because I mistook her for a deer in an orange vest drinking a Diet Coke.
@BellPupper: ME: hey I’m just in time to watch the meteor shower! METEOR: um, how about a little privacy?